Wisdom From the Web

I was taking a walk the other day, with my ever-busy mind zooming from one thing to another - a mix of random thoughts and internal conversations, as walks tend to do. My mind was all over the place and not where I wanted “it” to be. I set an intention to notice the beauty of nature as a portal to the present moment. With this intention and a deep breath, I went on my way. As the sun peeked through the trees, I noticed a spider web as I turned the corner on the trail. It wasn't just any spider web; this was a large tapestry that held tiny dew drops from its strands as the sun’s rays did their thing with the water. A beautiful, glistening necklace that sun, water, and the spider’s silk revealed to me. I stopped to take it in and breathe a bit. Thanks to the spider, I was now exactly where I wanted to be.

I don't think I would have looked at the web this way unless I had set the intention to notice. As I write this, we happen to be in the late stages of summer as it transitions into fall. I am reminded of my son, as a young 5-year-old looking at a spider web on a warm August day and saying, “Wow, there's a spider web... it must be Halloween.” Not quite right on the calendar, yet a perfect interpretation for him and a chuckle-producing moment for me and my wife, Karla. Spiders and the webs they weave are everywhere, and the feeling they conjure up are all over the board. Some people get the heebie-jeebies and want the spider smushed as soon as possible with the closest paper towel. Some have empathy for the poor thing that gets caught and then consumed by its owner. Some save the spider in danger by releasing them back into the wild or let it roam their home as a new roommate, like my future daughter-in-law likes to do. Others think more about the dynamic of the spider web and allow it to spin lessons for them. I am that “spin guy.”

It is hard to believe that I would even contemplate the beauty of a spider and its lessons for me. I used to be terrified at the thought of spiders, and for good reason. I remember being at a movie called The Giant Spider Invasion at a theater in Beckley, West Virginia and being shocked at what I saw. We were on an elementary school field trip to the theater.

I think back now and realize that only in West Virginia would a school take kids to a matinee where people are eaten by arachnids. The giant spiders that appeared on the screen would be a joke compared to modern images that Industrial Light and Magic or AI could produce today, yet it was frickin’ real to me. This was 1975, and I was sensitive kid with a wild imagination and the belief that anything might or could “really” happen to me. As the third unfortunate person was being eaten by a giant spider, I knew that was enough and secretly left the group and searched for an escape route. My journey ended as I ducked behind and below a row of seats near the back of the theater and didn’t look up. Just then, a spider bit me... just kidding-could you imagine? The rest is true, and I can feel the emotions and see the images as if the felid trip had ended yesterday. Today, I have a mixture of amusement and empathy for that 11-year-old version of me as I shuddered behind some velvet seats that became my refuge for the rest of the movie.

Now I have a new relationship with the spider-one of respect (to look again) and appreciation. I feel as though I can be caught in a web of analogies and lessons that help me to course-correct or gain perspective. I will share three that you may find helpful or a way to address your version of the heebie-jeebies in life.

Lesson #1: A New Day - A New Web
Many spiders make a new web every day, and I find that to be quite amazing. When we take a closer look at the spider’s web, its unique patterns are as individual as a snowflake. No two are the same; however, the commitment and diligence required to spin every day is inherent in all these multi-legged friends. They just do it. How can we, as two-legged creatures, just do it? Well, it starts with a new commitment and awe for the day ahead. Our success for any day is in direct correlation to the intention we give it.

We can spin our new web every day. I have come to rely on my intentional mindset to make progress in my life as a coach, leader, and family member. I’ll share my ritual that might be helpful to you, as it has been for me-transformative, in fact. It is a simple formula that takes 15 minutes. I set the table for this morning ritual by having my coffee at hand, a book of inspiration, a journal and cool pen, and headphones to play an instrumental piece that can serve as the soundtrack for of this new day I am living. I write three words down in my journal: Gratitude, Intention and Thoughts. I begin with reading something that can provoke curiosity. Right now, it is daily contemplations, A Year With Hafiz by Daniel Ladinsky. I sit with it and see what comes to light. I then take the inspiration and layer the energy and feeling over what I am grateful for and what my intention for the day will be. I’m not sure what occurs; however, the combination of music, inspiration, and my own creativity creates something for me to anchor to for the day, just as the web of the spider needs to have some anchor points to stay in place.

What do you want to catch today? What do you hope for? What are you grateful for? What is your intention? What web of intention do you want to spin to center for your day?

Lesson #2: Connection
You are the only person that can build your web; however, your web will be more magnificent if you accept help to do so. The spider can’t build a web without help, even though it may appear to be a solo endeavor. The spider enlists the flow of the wind, the steadiness of the tree or bush, or gravity that enables the web maker to anchor their canvas. The purpose of the web is to provide life. The life-giving needs of us humans are food, water, shelter, and community/connection. Fulfilling these needs gives us life. The quality of our relationships determines our fulfillment in life.

I’ve been taught throughout my life to just get it done and no on one can do it for you. You are the master of your world and if you fall, get up and move forward. Some of us have been told to just “rub dirt on it” and move on. I am a fan of self-discipline and determination; however, I have come to realize that I am more fulfilled and happier when I bring others into my web of influence. As humans, we foster creative endeavors when we seek and accept different possibilities. After all, we are the masters of convincing ourselves that something is absolutely wrong and/or absolutely right. Sometimes self-reliance can lead to isolation. I know that I have suffered from this challenge in my past (and will again) and have the courage to address it and learn. When I’ve felt lonely or discouraged to a point of concern, I reach out to people and “check in.” The sharing and curiosity that comes from genuine inquiry provides a new space in my world for possibility. It literally works every time.

Who do you want to reconnect with? What person do you know that might welcome a chat? Is there someone that inspires you and you want to let know? Is there someone who’s been on your mind, and you don’t know why? Perhaps it’s time to connect.

Lesson #3: Resilience
Sometimes the spider’s web breaks. When this happens, the spider immediately goes to a safe side and begins to ball up the remains of the web. I was curious about this, so I utilized the World Wide Web to look for answers. It appears the spider then consumes the remainder of the web. They eat their silk spaghetti to provide protein, which sustains them, as nothing would be caught that day. They also utilize the recycled web silk to spin a new web, after it goes through them. Talk about utilizing the “remains of the day”! The web-slinger takes what is has left, then takes it in, and then does something with it. Resilience is defined as the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties. Evolution has gifted the spider with a built-in pattern of “if it’s broke, then I am going to fix it – right now.” It needs to do this to survive. As humans, we are invited develop this skill to thrive. All things come your way for a reason.

My web is broken sometimes, usually by a setback or something that didn’t go as expected. They can be simple scratches or total annihilation, at least in my/our minds. One time, I was faced with a career challenge that brought me to my knees. Unlike the spider it wasn’t a quick, “Oh well, let’s eat this and move on.” It hurt me in a way that kept my mind spinning as to what I did wrong or how someone else did something to me. When you start a spiral of denial and victimization, you can keep telling the same story to yourself over and over again, with... wait for it... the same result. You can also identify with the feelings that you’re having instead of simply noticing them. I sought help from others and one person in particular reflected to me, “You had a bit of bad faith in something that left a bad taste in you; now, what are you going to do with this knowing?”

What have I done with this knowing? I have dedicated my life to serving others in a way that fosters more life-giving than life-draining moments in their life and mine. As a coach and leader, I utilize what has been helpful to me to embrace the present moment and forge a path back to it when the web breaks. When you break, you can repair. Ask yourself these three questions after a challenge or a punch in the gut: What happened if it was being reported by a journalist – without your commentary? What was my role in the challenge? What do I do with this knowing? If an apology is needed, say it with sincerity. If a new skill is needed to avoid this in the future, enlist help and gain that skill. If you hurt someone that you love, let them know that you will try to be more loving and kind – then be more loving and kind. If someone cuts you off, maybe you can just look forward to where you are going and let them spin, as we don’t know what heebie-jeebies they are dealing with.

These lessons of the spider web will work in career, family, and personal mindset. Make an intentional web everyday with a ritual that serves to center you. Connect with those that you meet along the path that day or reconnect with those that have shared the path with you in the past. Be resilient and kind to yourself, learn from your lessons, and don’t get stuck in someone else’s web.

One more thing: can you check my back to see if the spider is on me?